The last week has been a nightmare. I’m trying to think clearly, but I’ve had a low grade headache for now four days. Last night it got so bad, the background noise behind my friend when I was talking to him on the phone was totally pissing me off to the point where I had to tell him so and hang up. I also noticed I couldn’t use my glasses they hurt my eyes so bad. To make matters worse, my mood in general has been all over the charts. The shit hit the fan sometime around 12AM and I decided to get in the truck and drive away as fast as I could. Why this made any sense, I have no idea, but the idea of the trail made me feel like I had a safe place to go.
Yes, I’m blaming the birth control. I’m not sure I have ever felt this freaked out EVER. Irony? I put myself on the pill because I didn’t want to have my period when I tried to beat the world record again this year. Typically, I flow every 21 to 24 days and last year, I think I mentioned in a previous recent post, Aunt Flow came for a visit three times out of the two months I was hiking. Nothing kills enthusiasm like your period.
So, guess what? I’m about an hour from the trail head now, hoping to hike into the night today, maybe put in some big miles, and work out the hormone issue until I’m at the point of exhaustion. I just got break through bleeding. So, I’m bleeding a week before the placebo, and I will probably bleed again during the placebo.
WTF!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!?!!!?!??
I’m not so sure going on the pill was a very good idea. Aside from my clearly disagreeable demeanor, I’m a fucking train wreck. How the hell am I going to stay on this shit for the next six months?????????? This sucks and not only do I feel like shit physically, but I feel like shit mentally and I keep doing and saying the most retarded crap ever. I’m pissing everybody off around me including myself. I was supposed to have a get together at my house on Monday and the whole idea of even being around a group and entertaining made me sick to my stomach. I do not need to feel any more sick, I haven’t really been able to eat any real meal’s worth of food this week either.
What was I thinking? Will this get any easier?
Great. I just found a giant zit on my hairline. Ugh…. Make that two.
